23 noiembrie 2017

Perfect Nights vs Purrfect Nights

Life get's busy and blogging is not the most gratifying way of spending your time. 
Especially when your friends can follow what you have been up to on Facebook or Instagram.

So what about pictures? Pictures shared on Facebook seem to me 
to be even less gratifying than blogging. I wanted to share my sky with the internet.

Some nights are just perfect. Other nights are purrfect. I miss the little wolfcat (fostered a Lykoi kitten this summer and he was so good to me. He soothed my soul for a tiny little while).

Be grateful for every peaceful night you get. 
Don't despair.
Breathe in.
The Stars.

11 octombrie 2016

Long time no blog... on depression

I've been depressed and on medication almost two years ago, for a long period of time.
I see now that I haven't posted in over two years.


I am sure however, that everyone is glad I didn't post.
Because no one really wants to know about depressed people. They make us feel uncomfortable, don't they?
Because we tell them "everything will be fine, relax" or "just smile, be happy" or "you have no reason to be depressed" as if one chooses to fall down in the pitch dark hole of depression, where you can hardly see light, where hope does not exist and where you can easily lose your life because you know you are worthless. Because you think you know.
But the truth is you don't know anything for certain and the thoughts in your head have power over you, you're squashed down by lack of focus, loss of all appetite, mood swings although mostly dark ones, and many many dark thoughts that are too scary to share them with anyone. You want to equally be hugged and held and in the same time you want to be alone, isolated, because no one can comfort your soul, no one can quiet your mind. The good moments are so rare if any, that you tend to forget any life outside of this pitch dark hole exists anymore.

And no one will listen or understand.
Everyone will try and help but fail.

So you feel more guilt. More resentment towards yourself.
And you close in deeper, and you lose your friends. And your family.
And then if you are lucky enough you don't lose yourself, and you might accept help, because it's the only thing that's there. And you might get medication, and that's fine, take it slow. And you might have better days. And darker ones will still be around the corner. And you might get angry and shout, and have tremendous headaches... and other horrible side effects from the meds. And you are hopeless. And you cry like a baby when you are alone. And you are always alone. And you might want to die. And some might die. And it's not a conscious choice. When dealing with depression.

But the stigma... the calling out... the shame!!! "COWARD!" "Idiots!"

We all long for connection and understanding. Our bodies do not always listen to use. Depression is a real disease and it's super hard to understand if you haven't been through it... the only thing you can do is not give up. and try and try again and it's an ongoing battle. And getting off meds can be even harder.

So please. Reach out for your friend in need. Share your fears if you are suffering from it. It's hard to go through it, alone or otherwise. But if you have support it's slightly easier. Chances of committing suicide are smaller when you have strong support... that's what I guess I mean by slightly easier.

There is no ONE treatment for depression. But a cumulus of activities one should do, most of them social, and a good diet is important, sun and exercise, meds if needed.

I know it's hard but you can fight this battle, even if it seems it's you you're fighting.

What the F*(#& did I just type.

I honestly did not mean to talk about this. No one wants to hear it anyway.

25 ianuarie 2014


The first picture was taken in January 2012, during my first day in Dublin, Ireland. It was a picture of a window with a little equestrian sculpture. 

The next few followed in March. But in the beginning I was not really focused so much on the idea of window, but rather on the idea of atmosphere. 

As I was in a new place I was really open to engage visually and see things as they are and how they show themselves. It became more of windows in March as I took some pictures of a place for rent with dry-washed windows.

There is the old saying: "Eyes are the windows to the soul"... And I was wondering, while taking pictures during my stay in Dublin if there is any assosiation with that. If windows, actual windows, might be a "window" for society. What the original saying means  is that if you stare into someone's eyes you can see their  true being.  So what do we see if we look in actual windows? Could we perhaps see the true nature of society in that particular city, town, village? 

I assume you can, there is a lot given away through windows. The way they are taken care of, washed or ignored, decorated or covered. It says something about what is economically and socially going on perhaps.

My fascination I think was quite strong since in Romania we have tall walls, windows are high, then we have apartment blocks with higher windows, and I didn't get in such a close relationship with windows before.

12 octombrie 2013

Dream of foxes.

I have a fox character in a book that I am trying to write... and illustrate :) so I feel really inspired when I see foxes. Anywhere I see them. I have seen foxes every night when I was out last winter/spring and I see foxes in the shops - not real foxes, but puppets, toys, towels, water bottles, t-shirts, etc.

I wish I would see more foxes in my dream, to inspire me about the book I am working on. Today I got this simple idea, of me riding a fox while sleeping. I made a quick sketch (0.60 m),

then a more elaborate sketch and

 then I drew it and colored it. 

So here is it.

I hope to say the same about my book soon :)

3 octombrie 2013

Life versus Gold

A huge debate is currently taking place. Mostly in Romania, and if you are Romanian, you already know about it. If not, you might have heard about it. There are loads of articles on the subject so I will not go into details. People all around the world want to share this information due to the negative impact the project would have on nature and life.

Shortly, it is about a corporation that wants to exploit a few Romanian mountains and grab the gold from underneath. They argue that the place, called Rosia Montana, has always been a mining area. And it is true. Rosia Montana is well known for the underground tunnels (mine galleries) created by the Romans around 2000 years ago. But what they plan on doing is not just mining. They will strip the mountains bare and "eat up" the rocks with cyanide in order to extract the gold which is dispersed through the mountain rock. Why do people argue that this is bad? Besides the landscape being utterly ruined, there will be no way to prevent the cyanide to spread through the earth, spoiling water, getting people sick, killing any living creature that might inhabit the area. The cyanide "lake" that will be formed after the "extraction" is said to be created of tons of cyanide infected water and to have a diameter of around 8 km.

Protests started on the 1st of September this year. People in Romania and all over the world are protesting against this project taking place, and their arguments are more than valid.

So. The lovely Cluj Comics Club from (obviously) Cluj, Transylvania, Romania, they will publish a magazin with comics on the subject. This will be my contribution.

We all hope they will choose life over gold.

22 iulie 2013

When body and mind suit soul

First of all, would like to apologize to my English blog readers about writing the last post in Romanian only. It was nothing too significant, just a translated article.

Does anyone else feel sometimes that they are far or were far from being themselves? Trying hard to meet other people's expectations (parents, teachers, priests(?), friends) when in fact we neglect our own needs. We all have the same needs. The physiological needs, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and what is called self-actualization. The last one means that we must be the best we can be.

I was wondering and asking myself for long if I am the best I can be. The answer is NO, I am not. But I am becoming better each day and I appreciate having the opportunity of living with a roof above my head, having all my physiological abilities to be able to work and provide for myself.

A recent conversation with a good friend (thank you Nadine for the insights) brought up a question: What would I have needed as a child and growing adolescent to be able to make my time more useful from much earlier on? And the answer was simple and determined: a mentor.

But a mentor who can see your potential and can help you get the most of your own value. Nothing like the teachers we had in school (Sorry, teachers, you know yourselves who are the exceptions) who had an average line and wouldn't help the ones above improve, but drag them down, and would not help the ones below progress and get closer to the line. It would not really work anyway in a large group of people. I think a mentor has to be someone close and personal. Someone you look up to.

I am sad whenever it is proven to me that very few humans have the interest of the last need on scale, self-actualization. "I am what I am, everyone should accept me because I AM" would be the argument I most heard of.
Because, you know, not changing will keep you where you are and if you are unhappy there are high chances people around you will become unhappy if they are not that already. So look in the mirror. ask yourself. Am I the best I can be? I am more happy than unhappy? Can I help people around me be more appreciative about life? Am I sufficient appreciative of my own life?
Look in the mirror. See yourself. Ask yourself are you ok? and if not, turn things around so that you and people in your life can benefit from that. It is a small step but if everyone would take it...

Source for needs clasification, see wikipedia on max-neef and maslow's
Pictures taken around Westport, Co. Mayo, Dublin.

16 iulie 2013

Raspuns la: Reteta completa de eliminare a pietrelor de la bila

Un articol scris de un anumit Mihai Rapcea acum 6luni a avut mare trafic si a dus la un numar mare de practicanti a unei metode "naturiste". 
Nu am scapat de indoiala nici dupa ce am citit comentariile articolului respectiv. 
Tema articolul este "metoda naturala de a scapa de pietrele de la rinichi". Acest articol a readus la viata un mit vechi, dar va rog sa cititi mai jos unde am incercat sa traduc un articol publicat de oameni de stiinta in 2005.

Am dat de acest articol care a luminat indoiala si a clarificat lucrurile, publicat de catre chimistul Christian W Seiss si doctorul gastroenterologist Jim Brooker

"O pacienta (40ani) a fost internata in regim ambulatriu la clinica cu dureri recurente severe dupa consum de alimente bogate in grasimi. Prin ecografie abdominala s-au gasit mai multi calculi biliari de dimensiuni 1-2 mm depozitati in vezica biliara.
Recent isi "curatase ficatul" printr-un regim oferit de catre un homeopat. Acest regim consta in consum mare de suc de mere si legume, fara mancare, apoi ingerat 600ml de ulei de masline si 300ml suc de lamaie dupa cateva ore. Aceasta activitate a promis si a indus o trecere nedureroasa prin rect a mai multor "pietre" semi-solide verzui la primele ore ale diminetii urmatoare. Dansa le-a colectat, inghetat si le-a adus la clinica pentru teste de laborator.
Click to toggle image size
"pietrele" verzi, semi-solide, eliminate prin rect (imaginea de sus) 
calculii biliari extrasi prin operatie chirurgicala (imaginea de jos)

Examinarea microscopica a pietrelor aduse de catre pacienta noastra au aratat ca structura lor nu este cristalina, ba mai mult, s-au topit dupa zece minute petrecute in temperatura de 40°C. In urma examinarii chimice a acestora, s-a demonstrat ca acestea nu au in continutul lor nici colesterol, nici bilirubina, nici calciu. Metoda traditionala de extragere a lipidelor din fecale a indicatca aceste "pietre" contineau acizi grasi care necesita hidroliza acida pentru a acizii grasi liberi, inainte de extractia cu eter. Acesti acizi grasi au reprezentat 75% din materialul original.
In urma unor experimente chimice, s-a constatat ca prin amestecarea a unui volum egal de acid oleic (componenta principala a uleiului de masline) si suc de lamaie, se produc bilute semi-solide, albicioase, in urma adaugarii unei cantitati mici de solutie de hidroxid de potasiu. Dupa uscarea in aer liber, la temperatura camerei, aceste bilute au devenit destul de solide si tari.
Prin urmare concludem ca aceste pietre verzui, eliminate in scaun, au rezultat din actiunea lipazelor gastrice prin trinitroglicerina simpla si mixta care e formata din uleiul de masline, obtinandu-se acizi carboxilici cu lant lung (in principal acid oleic). Acest proces a fost urmat de catre saponificarea in micelii insolubile de dimensiuni mari de carboxilati de potasiu (sucul de lamaie contine o concentratie mare de potasiu) sau "pietre de sapun".

Pietrele descoperite la ecografie au fost extrase prin interventie chirurgicala.
Pe internet se pot gasi o multitudine de site-uri de sanatate care promoveaza acest regim numit "spalare a vezicii biliare" sau "curatarea ficatului". Unele au citat o scrisoare Corespondenta publicata in Lancet legata de acest subiect. Regimul de o zi consta in o noapte de post negru, mancat de mere dimineata, pe timpul zilei consumat doar ceai de plante, iar seara un amestec de unei de masline cu suc de lamaie proaspat. Patientii sunt instruiti sa stea intinsi pe partea dreapta (alte site-uri spun ca pe partea stanga). Este pretins ca dimineata urmatoare se vor elimina calculii prin scaun.
Am demonstrat ca aceste regimuri de spalare/curatare pentru expulzarea de calculii biliari este un mit. Iar afirmatiile facute de catre unii sunt inselatoare. Aparitia unei scrisoari publicate intr-un jurnal consfintit a fost utilizata de ceva timp pentru a confirma aceste practici, iar consemnarea trebuie redresata acum.
Declaram ca nu avem nici un conflict de interese."

Sursa: http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(05)66373-8/fulltext#

Va rog oameni buni sa cautati in toate locurile si sursele posibile chiar si daca nu aveti indoieli, inainte sa incercati metode ne-mai-auzite sau supra-populare. Iubiti-va si ingrijiti-va sanatatea, care o mai aveti.

Cu respect!